Strange feelings today

I woke up today and found myself different. It was at first the feeling of lacking sleep but I counted enough 8 hours I had. Then I thought to myself that was because of the sleeping in we had over the weekend. We didn't wake up until noon and slept around 2am. That might be the cause of this weakness and headache I was having... but there was a much stronger emotion I had and I tried so much to get it out of my mind. The feeling of transferring. I bet everyone has had this feeling at least once in his/her lives. The feeling when you finished studying in a school and the system made you go to another school, leaving everything you knew behind. When you looked at everything around you, they seemed so strange and so far from you as you knew you would not see them again. The last time I had this feeling was before I moved to the States. I was about 9 years younger than now. My mom and I was walking out of the hospital where we had the health exams required by the immigration services prior to emigrate to the 'dream-land' (in quotes) America. Mom and I was having the exact same thoughts when we walk through the ailes where very sick patients lied waiting for their beds and/or their treatments. It's a common thing to see in hospitals in Saigon where cancer patients don't have enough money to pay for their treatment and even their stay. We felt so bad for them but at the same time, we felt like we were getting out of this ... hell.. That was exactly how I felt... I was transferring. Separated. Out-of-this-world. Scattering. Not-connected with the material world around me. Cold-blooded.

When you put on your jacket on in the morning and walk out that door. You can't be sure that you will be back for dinner. If anything happens and you know what I mean, you are transferring... That's how I felt like today. I looked around me at work; I looked at everything on my desk, my mouse, my monitor, my keyboard, the feel of the woody table as I touched it... everything seemed so ... strange, so bizarre. The thought I had in mind was "I'm almost done with this. I'm out of here." And I knew it's not just about the work, the job or the company. It's about this Earth that I felt like I was leaving. And I was not scared. Then I tried not to think about it. I guess I was scared :)

I was driving home and feeling like I was on drug. I didn't feel like I was driving. I looked at the rear mirror and it was different. I know it's too much of this repetition already but that's what I thought: too much. Let's end this. All of a sudden, I became aware of the environment around me. I looked at cars driving next to me and on the opposite traffic knowing that there is at least one individual human exists in one of them and all of these belong to Earth. I could picture anyone of us hovering way up toward the sky looking down a small blue globe and thinking what the hell I was killing each other for? Right after this vision I suddenly felt a very strong vibration of love to everything I saw around me and I realized that I was so small... I know, this by any means has no connection to the feeling of separateness I mentioned earlier but I just want to blog as detailed as I can how and what I felt. I felt happy. I felt loved. Then I smiled then asked myself: "This, is the love of God, of one-being... is it this simple?" and I think I heard "yes"...

I came home and talked to my family, watched TV, news trying to get myself grounded as much as I could. I made myself a cup of hot tea as my girlfriend advised. I felt 'better'... again, in quotes, it only depends on what direction you define: good. Maybe I decided to stay? And that's for the 'better'? :)

Have yourself a cup of hot tea.

Day 3 at a new company

Wow. I love this company already. All cool people. I enjoy the everyday lunch part. We go out to get food everyday. With this payment, my lunch costs less than half an hour working... and maybe it will cost less soon :)... haha But why do we always go out to eat so early? haha I guess because I start working at 10..

About the co-workers

Y is an very interesting person. A is sooo funny. He keeps me laughing all the time. K is a cool boss I've ever had. Kvin has a Vietnamese wife. R is shy but caring. J is quiet and just like me, she talks slow haha... Jr looks so young but he's 34 and married. Tm is a awesome guy who doesn't speak much even in his own language.

About the work:
Mostly ASP.NET in C# and SQL Server now. I love it. It is very addictive. I should give myself more breaks though. I feel bad to do so on these first days. Hey, I'm the only programmer in this branch right now. I'll take K advice and be the future IT colonel. ganbaru

I drink a can of beer every night before bed time. What does it do to me?

Ancient Aliens

This is great series. I've finished it on Netflix.

A lot of different theories and from many different perspectives.

http://www.history.com/shows/ancient-aliens

A society without Money

We all need to possess things, and things required money to buy. We are all controlled by this 'money' objects. If we want something, we will need to trade something with equal value to get it. In a sense, it resembles the Universal Laws, but in a material way of thinking. We worry that we can not pay the bills this month. We worry that we haven't saved enough money for our kids to go to college. We worry about how much our medical or dental insurance would cover for our sickness. We worry about the money to get our cars' maintenance and repair. We are afraid to get robbed. We worry about our house monthly payments otherwise they will take it away and we will become literally 'home-less'. We work ourselves exhaustively to get any raise possible. Of course we are damn sad when we lose money. Even for students in college, what is our goal? To find a good job with good benefits and start earning money... Don't you feel sick and tired about all those restrains and commitments to money?

However, because this society is monetary based which means everything has its own material 'value'. There is a saying 'there is nothing free'. Yes, here, we just can not live without money - at least for now. But, how about: a society which was initially built not on money, not on trade but on ... love, trust and responsibility? A society without money.

A society without money will need all of its members to be spiritually advanced. That means they must strictly follow the Universal Laws in which people understand, live and act by the Karma. It bases on the brotherhood, trust, love, responsibility, care, love...

This society may seem impossible to construct with the current humans spiritual development but it does not mean it is not possible in the future - perhaps it will take a long time for us to develop. But if we look back to the way prehistorical people lived and compare that to now, we will see there is nothing impossible, it just takes some time.

My self, my mind or my ego

It is true that you will get what you pray for. But the higherself would provide you "help" only when it sees that help would benefit you spiritually.

I prayed for a good mentor for my spiritual development. I mean there are many of them 'out there' but of course you never know who is who; and the one with a bit of ego would take you to places where you never want to go to.

I received spiritual lessons recently with an increasing advanced pace. Today i want to talk about my recent lesson: the ego.

The ego or i also call 'the mind' is actually me, acting, talking, eating, driving exactly the same as i do - because in a sense - it is ... me. It bears my name. Because the real ME don't actually have a 'name'. My name is how people call you since i was born and i just believe that it associate to my identity. For so long, i misunderstood and believe that i am 'myself', my mind, my ego. So long that it's so hard to let it go so that i can be the real 'myself'.

My mind always wants to compare, wants to have, wants to ... think. It never stops desiring anything from money, education, status to ... love, careness, pride... Aren't they the source of suffering? Our minds always want to be someone. Our minds always want to be some where else; they always want to think ahead; they always get irritated when getting criticized;  they don't want to accept that they are wrong; they are always against the change; they are like 'untamed horses' - like the Budhha said; they need to be better than other 'minds' or 'ego' or 'selves'; they must have this, have that because they believe without those properties, they are not 'themselves' anymore; they are afraid therefore they cling to any 'safety net' they can find or can ... think of. They can't stop thinking. They can't stop reasoning and trying to find the ... fairness, equality for their egos.

We rarely are aware of where we are right at this moment and stay with that for a long time. The same can be said with our movements. We walk, we work, we walk but our mind (yes, our mind) is somewhere else. That's why we are always sleeping; because we are not ... mentally HERE right NOW. We haven't stayed alive for long. The feeling of being aware where we are and what we are doing is so peaceful and lively. I've been practicing it for a while now and I felt so ... alive.

But for so long the ego has been tricking me as it is me. So it controls me most of the time. It is hard to control it for all time. It IS really an untamed horse.

One of the obstacles that i am working on right now is the mental noises. They are noisy, and scary. Have it happened to you that the last song you were listening before leaving your car got stuck in your head like for ever? All the thoughts, songs, lyrics, hymn, calculations, thoughts, thoughts about emotion ... that spiral in our head and never go away are taking so much of our energy which is supposed to be used for something better.

I don't think i can 'kill' my ego or my self, or my mind but i may be able to completely tame it someday and make it work for me like a good horse. I should think only what i want to think. I should want only what i want. I should be able to control its pride also (which always want to be better people). It's scary when i thought that i am totally ok for being not better than anyone; but when someone pointed out my error (which was not mine at the time) then i got mad. What's wrong with being mad in that case, u may ask? That would lead to a whole different topic. But for some simple explanations, all i could say is: the mind doesn't want to feel inferior to other 'minds'; it requires things need to be fair and always wants to fight, to struggle. It simply doesn't understand the universal rules and even if it heard about it, it doesn't want to believe (even though we 'think' that we believe that)...

I refuse to identify myself with my mind, my 'self' or my ego.

My Path - First day of aura training

Since the freshmen year, I chose not to be in class all the time. I couldn't stay at home because my parents were paying for my intuition fee so i went to the parks, cheap and quiet cafe shops or the temples to study. I find the spiritualism always intrigues me. I have a strong feeling whatever i do, wherever i go, i ended up researching about spiritualism. Now the word 'spiritualism' could be interpreted in different ways but what i meant here is about spiritual development, the understanding about the universe (universal laws), the harmonic way of living, finding the peace inside, thoughts control, 'peripheral' senses re-activation,...

My girlfriend and i trained to see aura last night the first time and we both saw 'something'. Here are my results: i saw her face become transparent into another mention, it's more real than 3D (isn't it strange). I was shocked a bit but i guess that's because my physical sense and my astral sense not knowing each other well yet. I saw a glow of shadow about 1 inch right outside her head and next to it is a stripe of white/yellow light about half an inch thick. Sometimes I saw a blue/yellow light not in any shape around her head (and also on her face)

Americans' manner

I went to the 6th floor of the library after the first class to study. There was another person waiting for the elevator beside me. As the door opened, he just went inside regardless of there is anyone still inside. When he noticed there were people who were still inside the elevator, he walked back out. Back in Vietnam, I had learned that you must step back and give way for people who walking out of the elevator first before you can go in. When boarding trains in Japan, we always yield for people who are getting off the train *then* it's our turn to walk inside the trains. I think it's a common thing and a common sense. Of course not everyone here behave this way but most of the people I see here in the States do. (not as often in big cities like New York... but hey, this is Los Angeles, this is Orange County)

Well, to be fair, people don't cut in line here. People don't trash out on the street (ok ok rarely). People put cans and bottles in recycle cans. People smile to you (most of the time with big stupid fake smiles though)... but these are not enough at least to me.

Americans need to be more polite.

I am an American myself and I don't want my kids growing up to be just like an 'average' American like some people I see here. This might offend some people though. But that's the truth we all have to change. I don't want the world to look at us and laugh at our "big-fat" ignorance (like they are doing now). That, I'm telling you, will change. But first of all, we have to change from inside to make it works.

Good chat with Alex

Perhaps Alex is the only person I know in CS department that is very into spiritualism. While walking to the parking structure, we talked about our nasal allergies, controlling the mind and accepting ourselves.

Minds are just like computers, thoughts are like the processes; we have many unnecessary processes but most of the times our minds can only execute only one. Therefore, by following these exciting but abundant processes, we can't focus on the main point or the main thought. The worst thing is these so-called abundant thoughts are voluntary meaning we created them and just put them there laying somewhere in a dark corner in our minds. We need to turn some of them off. Alex said he doesn't allow himself to follow it and 'end task's it immediately after it appears.

Accepting ourselves is nothing more than realizing that we are weak and accept it. I think that's how we are getting stronger. How much longer are we pretending to be someone else? By our fashionable clothes, cars... I can't ski. I am afraid of being laughed of if I fell while skiing. He reminds me the main point of going skiing for me is to have a good time. So go ahead and have a good time. Failing when I ski is because I can't ski. I can always have someone to teach me. I can't ski, so I can't ski, that's the truth. Let's live with the truth and don't pretend. That's the point. In addition, my action of falling creates their reactions of laughing of me; that's how it is. They may be laughing at me falling, and I fell because I can't ski; and I can't ski because... I can't ski. So simple, but so long and so far I just wanted to pretend that I am ... cool.

We both agree that the process should take time. But it's worth it.

Alex: "Maybe our brains are not perfect"
Me: "And maybe we are here on earth to perfect them, don't you think so?"

... good laugh ...

Pure salt and pseudoepherine

I bought 'pure salt' at Trader Joe today to irrigate my nasals. I noted that taking nasal decongestion medicine before the irrigation makes the process easier as the nasal membranes contracted so the saline water could flow better. I will try again later with this pure salt solution.

I found the mechanism of pseudoepherine (nasal decongestion medicine):

the principal mechanism is to cause the release of endogenous norepinephrinevesicles in presynaptic neurons. The displaced noradrenaline is released into the neuronal synapse where it is free to activate the postsynaptic (noradrenaline) from storage adrenergic receptors. These adrenergic receptors are located on the muscles lining the walls of blood vessels. When activated by pseudoephedrine, the muscles contract, causing the blood vessels to constrict (vasoconstriction). The constricted blood vessels now allow less fluid to leave the blood vessels and enter the nose, throat and sinus linings, which results in decreased inflammation of nasal membranes as well as decreased mucus production. Thus, by constriction of blood vessels, mainly those located in the nasal passages, pseudoephedrine causes a decrease in the symptoms of nasal congestion.