It is true that you will get what you pray for. But the higherself would provide you "help" only when it sees that help would benefit you spiritually.
I prayed for a good mentor for my spiritual development. I mean there are many of them 'out there' but of course you never know who is who; and the one with a bit of ego would take you to places where you never want to go to.
I received spiritual lessons recently with an increasing advanced pace. Today i want to talk about my recent lesson: the ego.
The ego or i also call 'the mind' is actually me, acting, talking, eating, driving exactly the same as i do - because in a sense - it is ... me. It bears my name. Because the real ME don't actually have a 'name'. My name is how people call you since i was born and i just believe that it associate to my identity. For so long, i misunderstood and believe that i am 'myself', my mind, my ego. So long that it's so hard to let it go so that i can be the real 'myself'.
My mind always wants to compare, wants to have, wants to ... think. It never stops desiring anything from money, education, status to ... love, careness, pride... Aren't they the source of suffering? Our minds always want to be someone. Our minds always want to be some where else; they always want to think ahead; they always get irritated when getting criticized; they don't want to accept that they are wrong; they are always against the change; they are like 'untamed horses' - like the Budhha said; they need to be better than other 'minds' or 'ego' or 'selves'; they must have this, have that because they believe without those properties, they are not 'themselves' anymore; they are afraid therefore they cling to any 'safety net' they can find or can ... think of. They can't stop thinking. They can't stop reasoning and trying to find the ... fairness, equality for their egos.
We rarely are aware of where we are right at this moment and stay with that for a long time. The same can be said with our movements. We walk, we work, we walk but our mind (yes, our mind) is somewhere else. That's why we are always sleeping; because we are not ... mentally HERE right NOW. We haven't stayed alive for long. The feeling of being aware where we are and what we are doing is so peaceful and lively. I've been practicing it for a while now and I felt so ... alive.
But for so long the ego has been tricking me as it is me. So it controls me most of the time. It is hard to control it for all time. It IS really an untamed horse.
One of the obstacles that i am working on right now is the mental noises. They are noisy, and scary. Have it happened to you that the last song you were listening before leaving your car got stuck in your head like for ever? All the thoughts, songs, lyrics, hymn, calculations, thoughts, thoughts about emotion ... that spiral in our head and never go away are taking so much of our energy which is supposed to be used for something better.
I don't think i can 'kill' my ego or my self, or my mind but i may be able to completely tame it someday and make it work for me like a good horse. I should think only what i want to think. I should want only what i want. I should be able to control its pride also (which always want to be better people). It's scary when i thought that i am totally ok for being not better than anyone; but when someone pointed out my error (which was not mine at the time) then i got mad. What's wrong with being mad in that case, u may ask? That would lead to a whole different topic. But for some simple explanations, all i could say is: the mind doesn't want to feel inferior to other 'minds'; it requires things need to be fair and always wants to fight, to struggle. It simply doesn't understand the universal rules and even if it heard about it, it doesn't want to believe (even though we 'think' that we believe that)...
I refuse to identify myself with my mind, my 'self' or my ego.
An very very thoughtful entry ;)
ReplyDeleteOn an psychological perspective (I personally love to address Jung's ideas), 'ego' is the center of conscious identity while the self is the center of everything (the consciousness, unconsciousness, and the ego). So when you're talking about 'ego', I assume you mentioned the "conscious identity" which is you continuously thinking (consciously) about what you want, what you need, what you desire.
I believe that the ego is not really that bad because without the ego, you can't protect yourself or getting any motivation to achieve. For example, you want to have a good spiritual development, it is still the desire of the ego (you consciously desire that). However, you pointed out very very good points that the excessive use of the ego (or the mind) were detrimental. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said.
As I talked above, there is still another thing that bigger the 'ego', which is the 'self'...that is the product of individuation (According to Jung). And individuation is quite a tricky thing to talk about (What is really a individuation? Standing alone by yourself? Against the social norms? Being eccentric? The list could go on and on). But the thing here is that the self is the key thing to help you gain spiritual enlightenment. You could stay away from ego (sure you can, as you meditate or try to get rid of those noisy things around your head), but if you don't really keep in touch with your unconscious realm, chances are you don't really pay attention to the need of your "own" self.
So, don't refuse yourself with the ego..instead, fuse it with your "self" and realize your dreams.